You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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