"it" just moved
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
