So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
