I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
