I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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