you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
