Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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