I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
