I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
