things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
