I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
