Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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