I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
