I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
