I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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