When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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