How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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