There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
