This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
