I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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