My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
