She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
