i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
