1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
