My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
