he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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