and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
