remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
