Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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