She's JV to your varsity
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize