the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
