Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
PANTIES FOUND
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
