Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
two words...techno handjob
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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