she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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