So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
