I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This baby is an asshole
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
