Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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