I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
