There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
