you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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