did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
