I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
