I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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