well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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