I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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