Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
