I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just high enough for therapy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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