new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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