Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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