all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
