My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
