Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
