I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize