A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
