You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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