The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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