I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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