so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
