I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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