I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
