so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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