I cannot find my penis.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Houston, we have a blender
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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