some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Drake has all the answers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
