Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found puke in my bra..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
