last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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