Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And then my night got REAL pukey
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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