so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
