When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
