My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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