I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
