Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
