dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the liver wants what the liver wants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
