i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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