I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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