he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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