i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
