I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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