so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He passed out mid-signature
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
