Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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