He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
