Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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