So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
