I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize