john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
