I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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