i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
