I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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