i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this will be a night to untag.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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