Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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