i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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