Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
