need another drink. this is the easiest way
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
