I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
