Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize