I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize