I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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