worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
